I had an internal meltdown at the gym this morning. After doing cardio and some strength training, I made the mistake of getting on the scale. I say mistake because I know am gaining muscle mass, hence that number may not actually reflect what is actually happening to my brain. In fact, I know this is true because after doing some measurements, I have lost inches.
In any case, I am at the gym, trying not to cry as I step off the scale. And in a fit of panic, I jumped back on the treadmill and stared running and running and running. I didn’t know what I was truly going to accomplish by doing this. So I eventually stopped, but I kind of feel like I’ve hit the bottom. I need to regain control again.
But on top of this – I know this isn’t going to be the last breakdown I am going to have. There are going to be obstacles that I am going to have to overcome. I don’t know what they are yet, but they are there.
Yesterday at the blogger meet-up, we had to write down a fear about the journey. My fear is not having the support I need to stay on my journey. I sometimes think that the people I see most often don’t “get it” – they are either naturally skinny or have figured out what they are doing.
I hope that by blogging, I am able to find the support I need.
(also – my next post will feature my dog!)
Who doesn’t love carbs? If you are out there shaking your head as you read this you are one of two things: crazy or a liar. I came home today, starving after a wonderful even thanks to Jen over at Prior Fat Girl. So where do I go? The first thing in sight. A handful of pretzels followed by a handful of chips. I honestly can’t wait to move out of my parents’ place because then I won’t have those things staring at me every time I need instant gratification. I’m embarrassed to admit that I do not have better control over myself. But I don’t. I guess that is why I am human.
Tonight I had a delicious dinner of Smart One’s Santa Fe Style Rice & Beans. Yes, I know I really went all out tonight for dinner. But it was actually quite delicious!
I absolutely admit that I am not good at making dinner for myself. It usually ends up being a Lean Cuisine or a Smart One’s. Another thing that will change once I move out. I won’t be sharing food spaces with three other people. I know it sounds crazy, but I think one of the biggest road blocks for me right now is my living situation. It seems like a cop-out excuse, but come on, if there are cookies, I can’t say no. I am such a sweets fiend; which admittedly is probably one of my biggest problems in the first place.
Well, I am going to have some great products to write about coming up. I can’t wait! So, stay tuned.