The constant in my life for the last two years is now gone. The person I could count on to tell me I was being ridiculous. The person who made my heart flutter with joy and the person who I thought would be a constant in my life until the day I died is now a person of my past. I have big crocodile years in my eyes as I write this because I never thought I would.
But there are some things in life that love cannot conquer. I’ve learned that love does not fix everything and sometimes our hearts have to break and we have to attempt to mend them. Honestly? He is going to make an amazing husband some day. He is going to be an event better father. He is going to love someone more than he loved me. Which I partly don’t even know if it is possible.
I lay up at night wondering if I made the right choice, if I was an idiot but letting this piece of my heart go. But there are things we didn’t see eye-to-eye on. A lot of them, probably. I am more democratic than I allowed myself to admit to him (but he secretly knows it, I’m sure), he never outwardly supported me in my journey to a healthier lifestyle, which links directly to the fact that he never read my blog. At least he never told me he did. Maybe he was secretly reading it, unbeknownst to me. And quite frankly, I have some issues to work through before I can be with anyone – and this is airing some serious dirty laundry, but: our biggest downfall was the fact that I have a hard time believing any guy would be attracted to me or want to love me. Yup – I’m THAT girl.
Maybe some day, life will bring us together again. Until then, goodbye to you, he-who-shall-remain-nameless.