The constant in my life for the last two years is now gone. The person I could count on to tell me I was being ridiculous. The person who made my heart flutter with joy and the person who I thought would be a constant in my life until the day I died is now a person of my past. I have big crocodile years in my eyes as I write this because I never thought I would.
But there are some things in life that love cannot conquer. I’ve learned that love does not fix everything and sometimes our hearts have to break and we have to attempt to mend them. Honestly? He is going to make an amazing husband some day. He is going to be an event better father. He is going to love someone more than he loved me. Which I partly don’t even know if it is possible.
I lay up at night wondering if I made the right choice, if I was an idiot but letting this piece of my heart go. But there are things we didn’t see eye-to-eye on. A lot of them, probably. I am more democratic than I allowed myself to admit to him (but he secretly knows it, I’m sure), he never outwardly supported me in my journey to a healthier lifestyle, which links directly to the fact that he never read my blog. At least he never told me he did. Maybe he was secretly reading it, unbeknownst to me. And quite frankly, I have some issues to work through before I can be with anyone – and this is airing some serious dirty laundry, but: our biggest downfall was the fact that I have a hard time believing any guy would be attracted to me or want to love me. Yup – I’m THAT girl.
Maybe some day, life will bring us together again. Until then, goodbye to you, he-who-shall-remain-nameless.
July 5th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
Oh, I am sorry. Letting go is hard, but being true to yourself is worth it. Take this time and figure out what you want, what you need. Trust me, your future love will thank you for it.
HUGS to you!!
suzi
July 5th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
no words, just tears.
July 5th, 2010 at 9:17 pm
Hugs you.
You’re amazingly strong.
July 5th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
Hey girl, I’m so sorry to read what you just wrote! I hope you are okay. You sound like you have really thought this through, and while it hurts now, you are one of the smartest girls I know, so I know you made the right decision!
July 5th, 2010 at 10:01 pm
I had one of those relationships. Leaving it allowed me to grow and love myself enough to be ready to love when Mr. Goat came along.
It still hurts though. Stay strong and remember why you did what you did. Good luck!
July 5th, 2010 at 10:04 pm
aw, sweetie. i don’t know what to say except that i am always here for you. i wish i could say something to make it all better.
July 6th, 2010 at 7:18 am
*hugs* I’m so sorry. I know what it’s like to be that girl. I was that girl for a very long time, and I know it’s not easy to -not- be that girl. My 6-year first marriage broke me, and it was hard to accept that anyone could possibly love who I really was. And who am I really, anyway? Those were the things I was saying when my ex divorced me. It turned out that there was someone out there who wanted to be with -me-, not who he wanted me to be, but it was a lot of heartache to get there.
You’re a very strong woman. I read that in your posts. I don’t think it feels like it to you, but it’s what I see. And there are people out there who love you for who you are.
I know we only met once, but I’d be happy to meet up for a walk or something – if you either wanted to talk about this situation or talk about anything but this situation.
July 6th, 2010 at 7:33 am
When you are hurting it is tough to believe that something, someone better FOR YOU is out there…someone who can’t get enough of you, who wants to know your thoughts and feelings, and is fascinated by your multi-faceted personality! Don’t EVER settle for less. Hold out! Set your mind that no matter how you feel today or tomorrow, you DESERVE the best!
July 9th, 2010 at 8:06 am
We love -you- Cindy! You are awesome and don’t forget it. If others could see what you felt, you made the right choice for the present.
September 1st, 2010 at 2:35 pm
Hi Cindy,
try to let go og him and think that a loving and kind hearted person is waiting somewhere for you. A person who could accept you for what you are and love the things that you love. I know I’ll come allow it…but first let go…
November 1st, 2010 at 5:05 am
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