I had an internal meltdown at the gym this morning. After doing cardio and some strength training, I made the mistake of getting on the scale. I say mistake because I know am gaining muscle mass, hence that number may not actually reflect what is actually happening to my brain. In fact, I know this is true because after doing some measurements, I have lost inches.
In any case, I am at the gym, trying not to cry as I step off the scale. And in a fit of panic, I jumped back on the treadmill and stared running and running and running. I didn’t know what I was truly going to accomplish by doing this. So I eventually stopped, but I kind of feel like I’ve hit the bottom. I need to regain control again.
But on top of this – I know this isn’t going to be the last breakdown I am going to have. There are going to be obstacles that I am going to have to overcome. I don’t know what they are yet, but they are there.
Yesterday at the blogger meet-up, we had to write down a fear about the journey. My fear is not having the support I need to stay on my journey. I sometimes think that the people I see most often don’t “get it” – they are either naturally skinny or have figured out what they are doing.
I hope that by blogging, I am able to find the support I need.
(also – my next post will feature my dog!)