every day I’m struggling

It’s been a tough week.

On Friday night, my throat started to hurt, which spiraled into all out sickness on Saturday and Sunday I was worthless. I stayed home from work on Monday. I was really bummed out because I was looking forward to getting my run on. I couldn’t really breathe, so running didn’t seem like a good idea. I had constant headaches, so doing anything other than laying in my bed under the covers just didn’t seem alluring to me.

I woke up this morning at 4:30am. YUP. You saw that right.

FOUR-THIRTY IN THE MORNING. 

I had been sending DMs back and forth with my pal Tony on Twitter yesterday. I asked him, “How the heck do you get up so early in the morning?” I explained that I would love to be a morning workout person but my alarm goes off and I want to cry. So he encouraged me to try it.

My alarm went off at 4:30 and I rolled out of bed around 4:50am. Not horrible. I started pulling on my workout clothes when I realized I didn’t have any sort of reflective gear. I wasn’t sure if the lakes would be lighted and even if they were, if I would feel comfortable running a lake by myself so early in the morning. I paced back and forth in my apartment trying to decide what to do. I ended up wanting to die while doing 30 Day Shred.

Except, when I went to go take the DVD out of the case, it wasn’t there. I am pretty sure I lost the physical DVD to my old roommate. So that’s that. I’m going to buy a new one today. But, I used my brain a little bit and did manage to find the 30 Day Shred on YouTube. I worked out. It wasn’t great, but I did it.

Tonight – I’m picking up my new DVD and some reflective gear so I don’t run into this predicament again.

So I guess we call this: ONWARD.

Running, you sexy beast.

It’s weird. I think for the first time in all my times of, “I’m dieting.” that I really feel committed. I texted my friend Andrea the other night that I almost prefer my evenings around the lake than I do at happy hour. I know, I’m crazy. But it’s the only time I have to myself. I’ve accepted the fact that even if I set my alarm at 5am, I immediately am saying, “bitch, please.” And hit snooze.

 

In any case, the other night, I took a measly hour out of my day (apparently that’s all it takes) to do my run. I actually, walked to and from the lake, so ended up doing 5 miles that night. I kept having these bursts of energy and I have a horrible habit of trying to dance while I run. It isn’t pretty, friends. But, really truly, it’s my only time to myself. I’m looking forward to coming home tonight and going for my run. The sky doesn’t look promising and as long as it isn’t a terrible downpour or an actual storm – I am going running!

Also, can we talk about endorphins for a minute? I can’t stop smiling when I run. Even though I run like my body weights one thousand pounds and I look terrible doing it. It’s ridiculous. Quit your smiling, girl. Just kidding, I love it.

I actually have nothing exciting to report. I saved calories last night and ate Chipotle and I didn’t even enjoy it. So there’s that. It’s felt good to already see progress in my body. I feel stronger every day and my body is slowly getting used to not eating all the time. If I get hungry, I have been indulging in my favorite tea:

So, how are you? How’s your week? Anything exciting to report?

Crash & Burn

Saturday morning I woke up and had a lofty goal in mind before heading to my part-time gig at Ann Taylor. I threw on my workout gear and headed to Lake Calhoun for a “run.” I always say run in quotes because I am doing the couch to 5k program which is a combo of running and walking.

In any case, I was enjoying the calmness of running around the lake and the warmth of the sun. I was in my last leg of my run. For whatever reason, I wanted to take a moment to enjoy the lake and started jogging off the path – well, no. I took one step off the path and tumbled on down.

I was absolutely mortified. But at least I have this as proof of my workout:

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It’s mostly painful right now, but I have every intent of jogging around the lake again tonight after work.

back on track, yo.

I stepped on the scale over the weekend. That was not a pretty sight, my friends. I had a very sobering moment of, “Okay, that sucks. But it’s time to regain control.”  At one point in my journey, I would not eat an ounce of sweets that wasn’t from Weight Watchers (I was following the program at the time.) When I hit a plateau, I gave up. And man, that pendulum swung so hard the other way. I don’t really want to talk about that, or focus on it really. However, it bring me to my current state.

I have a lot of friends who get all up in my “biznass” when I refer to myself as fat. But if I’m being honest, that’s what I have going on here. It is what it is. It feels kind of good to write it, honestly. It makes it real and it’s reality.

I started tracking calories again using the LoseIt app on my phone. I love it so far. I’ve used it before and was happy with it. I can track what I eat, save meals, and track my exercise. So far, so good.

Last night I went on my first run. I was smiling the whole time. Even though my knee was killing me. It felt so nice to run around my lovely neighborhood in Uptown. When I hit my longer runs, maybe I’ll go to the lakes. Who knows. But, getting on the run was a feat itself. I got home from work and immediately texted my friend Jen:

We went back and forth and I forced myself into running clothes and had to make proof that I was actually going off on my run to send to Jen:

 

In the past, I always felt like I didn’t get “as good of a workout” if I wasn’t sweating profusely. So I was bummed at the end, that I wasn’t sweating like a crazy woman, but I was also okay with it. I’m using the C25K app on my phone. For the one thousandth time. I’ve used it when training for a 5K in the past. I decided that this time around, there’s no race. No goal. Just to complete the entire series at my own pace.

Well, I guess this means I’m blogging again. Weird.