it’s that rock bottom thing.


Life is a weird thing in how things happen. Things come and go. Friends come. And then they go. Jobs come. And yes, you guessed it, then they go. I’ve hit rock bottom in a lot of different ways. The last time I wrote about health, it was 2012. Since then:

  • I’ve gotten married and happily so.
  • I’ve changed jobs.
  • I’ve started battling depression.
  • I’ve lost weight.
  • I’ve gained weight.

Although life is seemingly wonderful, I’m trapped on the inside. Trying to figure out that one thing that ticks that keeps me from being truly happy. Because when I think about it — life is so good. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful bonus daughter, a career that I love, the best friends a girl could ask for and yet, I still tear myself down all the time. I’m uncomfortable in my own skin and I know that won’t change unless I change.

It really started when I was 12 and in 7th grade. Junior High is literally the worst time for so many girls. Unless of course you’re on the inside then maybe it’s okay. Maybe it’s not. I only know life from on the outside. In any case, I distinctly remember the Megan with the horribly annoying high pitched laugh, and the other Megan who was mad that I got to be the singing harp in Jack and the Beanstalk. I was teased without knowing I was being teased until one day I figured it out. Every poem in English class and joke about sausage was actually about me. Over 20 years later, and I still remember how it felt. 

It’s been the up and down since then and finally, at 32, I’m ready. I’m going to make drastic changes and I might lose friends, miss out on fun events, but I have to finally put myself first and finally make the changes I’ve needed to for the last 10 years to be in charge of my own life.

And much like before, I turn to this trusty blog to chronicle this big old mess called life.


2 thoughts on “it’s that rock bottom thing.

  1. Good for you. Your story sounds very familiar, although I will say that no one I talk to, inside or outside, has a good memory of junior high. I am so not looking forward to my DD (she is now 6) going through that. I wish we could just skip the whole thing. But, it sounds like you are in a good place, looking down an open road. Just remember to show yourself lots of grace along the way – that is what I keep having to remind myself to do as I sit in my oh-so-messy house (that I feel like I just cleaned up a moment ago) with a pile of work to get done (that never seems to lessen no matter how much I accomplish) and with a to-do list a mile long. And that isn’t even counting all the wish list things I want to make myself a better person. But, you know what. I do what I can, when I can and that has to be good enough. For now. I look forward to reading about your travels down this road though! Thanks for sharing!

    • When I read this comment, I felt so overwhelmed by your kindness and couldn’t think of a really good reply. So I will just say thank you. This put a smile on my face. I hope you are having a wonderful Thanksgiving!

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